I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so in spite of the challenges and insecurities I've faced these past few years, I have always had a sense that music and my research on and passion for the process of reading and learning music was simply in hibernation mode. In spite of my silence, I can assure you that my mind still manages to stay in high gear most of the time. One of Rainer Maria Rilke's lines from his Letters to a Young Poet come to my mind at this point...
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers... At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.That's where I am right now, friends. I am living the question. I am living in the moment. I am living. And in this new place where I find myself, a place without any clear future, I am realizing that I don't necessarily care whether or not I am a "professional" musician. I am a musician and I am me. That is, at least for right now, enough for me.
I am back to practicing and learning new music.
I am back to performing again and have set up 6 recitals over the 2016-2017 year that will enable me to perform all 24 preludes and fugues in Bach's Well-Tempered Clavier, a project I started many, many years ago.
I am back to playing music with others and with such great joy and excitement!
I am still working in a toy store but also hoping to write again and to teach anyone who would be interested in finding out the way I perceive of music.
I am, in other words, being me once again, only in a different type of soil, with new roots, a new environment, and lots of fresh air.
Not a bad place in which to find myself.