My passion is to help others in the community, young, old, and everyone in between, find relevance and joy in learning, performing or listening to classical music.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Replacing "success" with joy in the life of two musicians


Photo taken by Lance Trumbull -
EverestPeaceProject.org 
In May of 2011, at the Juilliard School in New York City, composer John Adams addressed the graduating class with these words - 
All the paradigms of success that we routinely encounter in our everyday lives - on television, in movies, in the online world, in the constant din of advertising, even from our friends and families - all these "models" for success and happiness American-style are about what is ultimately a disposable life, about a life centered around material gain and about finding the best possible comfort zone for yourself.
He continues on to say - 
But by choosing a life in the arts you've set yourselves apart from all that. 
Have we in the world of the arts really done that though?  Have we really set ourselves apart from the rest of the world?  As a whole, I'm not so sure.  I think that many of us fall into the same trap of craving success and recognition even though the root of our career choice is all about the passion we have for music, not about something as tangible as money.  Whether we're in an orchestra, a teaching position in a university, or a choir, we seem to always be striving to get to the next level.  I know my husband and I have recently caught ourselves on this very same ladder.  But is it any wonder?  I don't think so.  Because in order to survive comfortably in this country we are forced to march up the very same ladder as our friends in the non-musical world in order to provide ourselves and our loved ones with "security."

I am no politician.  I don't tweet or put Facebook statuses up about politics because quite frankly I don't know a whole lot about it and am not as well-read as I sometimes wish I were - I'm too busy playing the piano and trying to make my own living.  But this past week I was forced to examine this whole topic in a very personal way thanks to my husband essentially losing his job at the university he's been working at for the past 6 years.  (You can read all about that in my blogpost, "Turning one's back on the tenure dragon.")  As is part of the denied-tenure process he was given a contract by the institution which would enable him to teach for one final year at the same salary, but with something of a demotion.  We were given one week to decide whether or not to sign that contract.  Saying that week was a soul-searching, mind-blowing one would be an understatement.

We started with the practical benefits of signing the contract.  I would label this the, "Staying on the Ladder" approach.  With another year of teaching we would get a good salary and our health benefits would continue.  There was also the thought that staying another year might look better on my husband's resume than if he were to not teach another year.  

But that's where the benefits seemed to stop.  

My husband was dejected, lost, and exhausted. He was also struggling to see himself as the musician that he has been since he was a little boy.  Speaking as a music lover myself, questioning one's abilities, one's self, is like the kiss of death.  And being the stubborn self that I am I refused to accept the type of year we would face if he continued down this same path.  I strongly urged him, in spite of all the "benefits" and "security" that we'd be giving up, to back down the ladder.  After all, there aren't great views just from the top of a ladder.  If we keep our eyes open and minds open there are great views from just about anywhere.  Besides, I questioned, are tall ladders really that secure anyway?  I seem to remember learning that whenever one is on a tall ladder it's good to have someone at the bottom, holding tight to the base.  Considering how isolated and unsupported many on these tall ladders feel, depending on someone to be at the bottom seems a unrealistic.  

In the end, after much deliberation and discussion with many friends and family, my husband decided to not sign the contract to teach another year.  There were many reasons behind that decision but at the root of it all was the desire to start anew now rather than delaying the inevitable and to head down a different path that will hopefully take us back to where we left our breadcrumbs - back to a place where the joy of music-making and the thrill of sharing it with others can be found.  Perhaps it would have served us well to have been in that graduating class last year, and to have heard these words from John Adams:
A life in the arts means loving complexity and ambiguity, of enjoying the fact that there are no single, absolute solutions.  And it means that you value communicating about matters of the spirit over the baser forms of human interaction, because you know that life is not just a transaction, not simply a game about winning someone's confidence purely for purposes of material gain.
Those words make sense to us.  A lot of sense.  They excite, they inspire, they have value.  A different, less practical value, perhaps, and value that doesn't put as much food on the table but value nonetheless.  

This next year will be interesting, there's no doubt about that.  And our lives may not be as "secure" or comfortable as they have been ever since we've been married but our hope is that our journey back down the ladder will provide us with the time, space, and reignited passion to see the things around us that have a value that will bring more joy into our lives.

Many thanks to my friend, Jeff Prillaman, @vatenor, for pointing me to John Adams' commencement speech.

18 comments:

  1. Beautiful and honest post, Erica. I'm here supporting you two every step of the way!

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    1. Alexis,
      Your words, music, friendship, and support mean the world to me - I hope you know that!

      Many, many thanks.

      Your faithful new pianist,
      Erica :-)

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  2. Erica,
    brilliantly stated and I completely agree. I think this "material" world has to a point demanded the "artistic" world to strive for the same goals of money and success to make ends meet. We must invest our finances, plan for the future, take care of our family, have a nice house, etc. etc. I have to say that I have valued comfort in the past, but what is comfort if it is at the price of happiness? No wonder most of the greatest musical compositions were composed by those who were struggling; financial, emotionally, mentally, physically. One of my favorite quotes is by Robert Schumann.... "Art was not created as a way to riches. Strive to become a true artist; all else will take care of itself. (Robert Schumann)

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    1. Taylor,
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and for making me feel like we're not going down the wrong path! I hadn't considered the parallel example of composers that also struggled and weren't necessarily "successful" in today's terms. I'll gladly be in their company.

      And I love that Robert Schumann quote. Thank you for sharing it.

      See you soon hopefully,
      Erica

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    2. Hey Taylor!

      Megan McElroy here. I really like Erica's blog and this is a great post. Just today I was grappling with my real motivations for playing music and being a pianist. I'm not sure how honest they really are...
      So funny to find your post here :)

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    3. Hello, Megan (and Taylor),
      My, what a small world :-) Nice to meet with both of you here! And Megan, you're obviously not alone in dealing with these issues. I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences and thoughts!

      All the best,
      Erica

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  3. Thanks for sharing this obviously difficult yet beautifully uplifting experience. It speaks to me on a very personal level. Something deep inside my intuitive bones tells me that your husband made the right decision. Starting anew, finding the joy again....wonderful! My warmest regards and best wishes to you both.

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    1. Thank you, Bill, for reading, for your thoughts, and your wishes. They are much appreciated!

      And yes, I think it wasn't long after we made the decision that we felt like we were happier and more relieved than we had been in years. I think that's a good sign. So although there are lots of changes and adjustments to come, we are headed down a path that seems a bit brighter!

      All the best to you, Bill.

      -Erica

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  4. For when the load gets too much to carry by yourself:
    Proverbs 3:5-6
    Matthew 6:19-20; 25-34
    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
    Philippians 1:6
    James 5:13-16
    1 Peter 5:6-7
    These are a few of my favorites. I hope they are encouraging to you and help strengthen your heart and mind!

    Pray for you, always!

    Katie

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    1. Thank you, Katie, for passing on those verses. :-) We can always use encouragement and a stronger heart and mind!

      All the best,
      Erica

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  5. Painful, but probably right, decision. You never know, life sometimes has a funny way of offering things which are much better, but not before tricking you into thinking they are worse first. Good luck!

    Alan Yu

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    1. Alan,
      I love this... "life sometimes has a funny way of offering things which are much better, but not before tricking you into thinking they are worse first." So true. So we'll push on to that other side with all the encouragement we're getting from people like you.

      Many thanks!

      -Erica

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  6. This post reminds me of my favorite line in the movie "You've Got Mail".--- "You've done the brave thing, and decided to close the store." It's a graceful and powerful way to face what at the time is a defeat, but most likely is just a turn in the path of life.

    Knowing you has enriched my life.

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    1. Oh Janet,
      I am so glad that our paths have crossed! Thank you so very much for reading this post and for taking the time to chime in with that quote from one of my favorite movies that I have failed to watch in way too long. Now that school is almost done I think it's high time we revisit it. I can't remember what happens after they do decide to close the store so I need to refresh my memory!

      Thank you for being such a wonderful friend,
      Erica

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  7. This does sound like a tough decision to have made, however, it is exciting that both of you are staying true to yourselves. There might have been even more pain down the road if you had chosen otherwise. Many people do not realize that even though during these choices it is uncomfortable, you have now opened up your universe to many more possibilities. This openness would not have been available to you if you had chosen otherwise.

    I wish you the best on this new road of many possibilities. May the right path reveal itself easily and swiftly!

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    1. Many thanks, Shoshana, for your wise words. It has been inspiring for both Tadd and I to be surrounded by people such as yourself that are always willing to really think through their lives and to work on making it better.

      Here's to brighter, exciting, and inspiring paths for all of us!

      All the best and with thanks,
      Erica

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  8. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I applaud your courage to stay in the arts - not easy, but my gosh, does the world need artists. I trust everything will work out for the best.
    Thank you for sharing your life with us.

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    1. You're very welcome, LaDona. I'm so glad that people weren't turned off by my honesty. I felt like I needed to write a blog post about this past decision to help me put together for myself how I really felt. I was really struggling with the question you brought up - does the world need artists? In the end I decided, like you, that yes indeed, it does! So I guess that's where we fit in!

      Thank you so much for reading, for taking the time to comment, and for your encouragement. It means a lot to me.

      And now we wait to see what happens!

      With thanks,
      Erica

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